One day Shela was thinking about all of her different Halloween costumes. These were her costumes: on her first Halloween she was a ball of fur, because she had alot of tangled, messy hair. Balder was an egg because he had a bald, white, round, and shiny head.

When she was one she was a bunny. Balder was an egg again. Their parents did it that way so it would look like the Easter Bunny and an Easter egg.

When she was two she was a butterfly. Balder was an un-rippened mango, so it was like a butterfly with a piece of fruit to munch on.

When she was 3 she was a bright green worm, because her hair was bright green. Balder was a rock that Shela (the worm) could live under. All Shela’s parents had to do was spray-paint Balder’s head greyish-brown.

When she was 4 she was a cat. Balder was an alien because his head was green. His head was green because he was sick, and he was sick because he’s allergic to cats, real or not.

When she was 5, she was a fairy, and he was a frog. (He was still green from the cat incident.)

When she was 6, she was an Irish farmer, and he was a potato. (His parents spray-painted his head brown again.) They were supposed to look like people in Ireland before the potato famine.

When she was 7 she was a chicken in a bush, and Balder discovered his irrational fear of chickens and bushes. (He also wet his pants really badly, so Balder was Niagra Falls.) 

When she was 8 she was a chiken in a bush again. (She wanted Balder to wet his pants and start screaming like a little girl again.) Of course, Balder was Niagra Falls.

When she was 9 she was going to be a chicken in a bush again, but her parents told her not to be that, so she was a bush in a chiken. Balder wasn’t as scared as he would be if she were a chicken in a bush, but he still wet his pants just as bad. Once again, he was Niagra Falls.

As a matter of fact, after that, his sister scared him so many times with her stupid chicken in a bush costume that Balder eventually started a talk show called, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Niagra Falls!,” which is where people share their stories of times they’ve faced their fears.

After that, Balder never really celebrated Halloween. He just gave out candy.

As for Shela, other Halloween costumes included a whoopie cushion, a popsicle, and she even convinced Balder to be a pea in a pod with her.  But then she jumped out wearing her chicken in a bush costume and he never wore a costume with her ever again.

This year, she’s going to be a cheese pie, which Balder is highly allergic to, real or not.

The End

Humphilumton

Meaning: To be treated poorly; abused.

Example: My dog humphilumtons his toys. 

Okay. Let me brief you on this. Shela has some friends named Roman Cow, Italian Ram, Irish Sheep, American Chicken, and Greek Pig.

So one day Roman Cow and his wife American Chicken went to Chicken Wingz Chicken Restaurant. (Which is odd because chicken is made from, well, chicken.) The only thing they were there for was to show off Roman Cow’s new baby sister, Roman Sow. But some people called her Italian Ham, like Italian Ram, or Irish Peep, like a cross between Irish Sheep and American Chicken, and sometimes even Greek Jig, like a cross between Irish Sheep and Greek Pig.

Okay. Anyway, back to business. Roman Sow was very shy. She was happy, though, because Shela gave her a lollypop. (Luckily, today Shela was working at the cash register, so she got to talk to them.)

After work, Shela and American Chicken and Roman Cow took Roman Sow on a shopping spree of $100 to any place she wanted to go! So she spent $50 dollars at Toys R Yours and $50 at Limited To You. For dinner, they ate at a Hair Cafe. (It’s where people do your hair while you’re eating.) Then they went to the park.

Roman Cow and Roman Sow were playing wag. (It’s when there’s a tagger and right before they touch you, you have to wag your tail. If you’re to slow and get tagged, you’re it.) Roman Sow was sneaking down a slide to tag Roman Cow when she heard a tiny scream. She looked down. There, was a dust mite, wearing a helmet that said X-treme.

“Hi! My name is Extreme Dust Mite. What’s your’s?”

“Mine’s Roman Sow. Do you want to play wag?”

“No, let’s play extreme!”

“How do you play that?”

“You watch me do extreme stunts on my mini motorcycle.”

“Okay.” So Extreme Dust Mite got on his motorcycle and rode down the slide. When he came to the bottom of it, he launched himself  into the pond a few feet away. And that’s how Extreme Dust Mite and Roman Sow became friends. 

Shela was working at the drive-thru at Chicken Wingz Chicken Restaurant when a group of aliens came in and demanded to see their “leader.” (Really their boss.) When the person who worked at the cash register named Irene said their boss wasn’t in, one of the aliens froze her with a ray gun.

“Take us to your leader,” he growled.

No one offered to drive them to the mansion. Finally Shela gave in and took them there. When they got there the aliens walked right up to the door, walked inside, and shut the door. Shela slammed on the gas and sped away. As she did so, she heard a blood-curling scream come from the mansion.

The next day the boss arived at work. He acted as if something wonderful happened.

“Betcha’ five bucks the aliens froze his wife,” Maloree whispered to Shela.

” Why would he be happy about that?” Shela asked.

“Oh, please. He’s been trying to get away from her for months. He even locked himself in the bathroom for hours with a mini fridge and a plasma TV.”

The boss brought all of the employees together. “I have an anouncement to make. Our business has expanded all the way to Mars!!!” he cried.

“What?” all of the employees gasped.

“That’s right. Those aliens wanted some of our restaurants on Mars. We’re gonna make big bucks!”

“But what about that blood-curling shreek?” Shela asked.

“Oh, that was me screaming for joy.” Once again, another “average” day in the “average” life of Shela.    

Q: What’s your favorite color?

A: Green and Purple.

Q: What’s your favorite book?

A: War of the Worlds.

Q:What’s your favorite movie?

A: When I was a kid I liked E.T., but now I like War of the Worlds.

Q: Where’s your favorite place on Earth?

A: Roswell, New Mexico and Area 51.

Q: What’s your favorite news subject?

A: Aliens.

Meaning: A party.

Example: We went to a jabumbo last night.

Shela went to Paris to see how her boutique shop called Boutique De La Fancy was doing.

She went to the fanciest spa in the world called Spa De La Pamper. She got a massage and went in the hottub. She also went to the world’s best salon called Salon De La Poofy. She got her hair done really fancy. Then she went to her boutique and (since she’s the owner) took the fanciest dress and pair of shoes. Then she went and got a manicure and pedicure at the fanciest manicure and pedicure place in the world called Manicure En La Pedicure.

When all of that was all done Shela went to the Eiffel Tower for a special reserved dinner for her and John. That was their favorite anniversary and they never forgot it.

Well, our story begins at Chicken Wingz Chicken Restaurant. Shela works at the drive-thru there. She ordinarily gives kids the special Chicken Wingz toy with the Chick-a-roo Kidz Pack. The kid pack comes with chicken or ribs and the child’s choice of sauce, juice, fruit, and chips. Most kids get the spare ribs with BBQ sauce, grape juice, mandarin oranges, and sun chips. They love the toy eggs they get with their meals. You just put it in water and see what comes out. Mostly chickens come out, but sometimes it’s a turkey or a penguin or something.

All the kids love Shela. She is their favorite Chicken Wingz worker. They won’t go to Chicken Wingz if Shela’s off-duty. The best part about her job is her family gets discounts on all the meals they buy at Chicken Wingz. She also gets paid well. Since all the kids love her, the restaurant gets a lot of children as customers. The restaurant makes a lot of money off of the Chick-a-roo Kidz Pack. Shela’s pay check is about $5,000.00 a week!

Her husband John makes a lot of money at his book/art/statue/chandelier store. Shela and John also own the fanciest boutique shop in the world. They also found a hidden fortune, which makes them filthy, stinkin’ rich.

‘See ya’, Shela says to the kids at Chicken Wingz when they leave. 

True or False? Birds fly south for the winter because they’ll freeze because of the cold weather up north.

Send in your guess to my comments section and you’ll end up like stories67 and Amy Cannol. I can’t wait to read you’re guesses!

An Insert from The Civil War Times at the White House Newspaper:

President Abe Lincoln has gone missing after a local parade. The country falls into chaos because he cannot make his wise  decisions. Washington D.C. is in peril because the Rebels march through town and destroy half the city! Oh, where is Abraham Lincoln?!

a News Insert from about 2 months later :

Finally Mr. Abe L. returns from wherever he’s been. Old Honest Abe honestly answers everyone’s question: “I snuck away from all you annoying people to get some peace and quiet at the log cabin I used to live in. I come back and half the city is destroyed! What did you do, people? Have a ‘wreck the town’ celebration? You people are disgraces!”

Soon after Old Abe forgave the people and said he would never do it again, only to do the exact same thing the following week. I guess Honest Abe wasn’t so honest like everyone said he was!